Forced to face the denial that I'm no longer thirty-six, counting the late 30s felt very personal to me; my writing froze. Now in the forties I feel I've aged prematurely. Didn't realize when I started this counting challenge forty-four nights ago that it would bring on a mini mid-life crisis. Are you with me here? We'll be forty-nine next week!
A facebook friend posted that half birthdays aren't as exciting as the real thing and mentioned this as she turned 24 ½. Wouldn't plenty of people be so excited to have another six months of being twenty-four, or at least the care-free young body state that (usually) goes with it? With deeper thought, I realize that my life now is fuller, happier, and wiser. The wear and tear on my body is real, yet the wider lens on life, more authentic soul situation and large love quotient are a somewhat fair trade.
In youth and health the body willingly accompanies us as we do our thing. As we move on in age and stage, physical awareness creeps into every activity as creakiness, injuries and illness increase, stretch marks and frown lines appear. On one hand I'm a mom to young children, trying to adapt when a sitter cancels last minute and my carefully choreographed day becomes “take your triplets to work today” day. On the other hand, I relate to my newly forty friend whose gift to herself is botox between the brows. I have my own self improvement plans for my entree into the forties.
In the realm of omer counting, the increasing numbers stop abruptly. Beyond 49 there is no counting, no Molly Shannon cheer, reprised last week on SNL with Betty White, “I'm fifty, fifty [kick], fifty! [kick, kick]. Instead we get a greater reason to party, the gift of Torah, ageless teaching, the foundation of Jewish wisdom.
Though it sounds swell, receiving a gift is not necessarily simple. Just because it is offered doesn't mean that the recipient is ready to accept the gift. When someone gives you a compliment, do you brush it off with a quick thank you before letting it penetrate your heart. Can you accept an offer of assistance and open your door to help?
In community, we are here for each other in times of need. Could be easier to offer a meal to a grieving family than accepting help with childcare when someone in the family is in the hospital. Might be easier to entertain for Shabbat than entertain the idea that you need strangers to help fold laundry, bring food to you bedside, shop for diapers, etc... Accepting a gift, accepting an apology, accepting assistance, accepting wisdom – all require an accessible heart connection. Getting there takes work, takes preparation – thus the omer counting. With Torah given after forty-nine days, how to readily appreciate the teaching that may guide you to a more meaningful, ethical, connected, spiritual life.
Here Rav Yoga provides tools for opening body, mind and soul to receiving gifts. Standing at Sinai takes a new turn with attention to the physical posture of standing, of standing strong, of standing strong and listening for the still small voice within the stillness.
This Shabbat at Netivot/Pathways Saturdays we will do the physical and spiritual preparation for Shavuot. On Erev Shavuot, families will welcome the holiday with Rav Yoga Yeladim at the Tikkun Lil Shavuot. In the next few days, I will share yoga postures for preparation, for opening, for feeling young again.
Today is the 44th day of the Omer, that is 6 weeks and 2 days of the omer.
Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
32 - Laughter
I had the funniest conversation yesterday in which I was trying to help a mom figure out what day her child was born. There's not a trick here, like her child was adopted from an orphanage that didn't keep records. This mom gave birth to her little girl. Still, a woman in childbirth isn't so focused on knowing the actual time. She, and anyone else in right mind, only cares about getting that baby out of her body alive into the world. And I don't know the details of this particular birth story except that she was born at the end of the day close to sunset.
The Jewish calendar changes days at nightfall. That's why Shabbat and holidays begin one evening and continue through to the next: “there was evening then where was morning, Day One”. It's right there in Genesis with the creation of the world, there's no playing with it. A questionable birth day may occur when a baby is born right around sunset, so the minute of the hour is an important determining detail. And then we must clarity how to define the moment of birth. In the hospital they probably check the clock once the doctor/nurse/midwife is holding the baby in her arms, maybe after making sure the little one doesn't need any emergency care. That's not the Jewish way.
The classic go-to case for understanding this differentiates when the child becomes its own separate living being apart from the mother's body. With my toddler sticking her head under my shirt to calm herself these days, I wonder if I will ever be able to think of my children separate from my body. Aside from my mommy psychology, there is no question about when they were lifted out of my body. In the case of a c-section, the whole baby comes out at once. In my case, baby followed a minute later by another baby, and a minute later by another baby. If those minutes are split around 12 pm, the children would have different birthdays. If they were split around sunset, they might have different Jewish birth dates. In my case, there was no question, if there was a window in the Operating Room we would see was broad daylight.
Lehavdil, to make a separation in topics, the Jewish moment of birth is actually determined by a scenario where the woman's life is at imminent risk. To live we try to ignore the fragility of life, yet we all know the truth that life is fragile and that babies are not independent human beings in the womb. And more, survival is never certain. Judaism teaches us best how to save lives and protect life. The highest mitzvah is to save a life, and to do so we must be able to define life (and death too). We need guidance on how to decide who takes precedence in this horrific life and death situation. In ancient times our sages saw much more of this; thankfully we can now reasonably expect to live through childbirth and go home with our babies. According to Jewish belief, until the child is born, if only one could survive, the woman's life is the one. I know this is so hard to ponder, and nothing you want to ever consider. Some of you know this all too well, having experienced miscarriages, stillbirths, and near-fatal child birth. I hold you in my heart and pray for continued comfort for your unthinkable losses.
The moment of birth according to Jewish law is when the head comes out, when the baby is mostly and nearly out of the womb, ready to take her first breath. This can be minutes or more before it gets written for the birth certificate. The moment of birth is different from when the moment a woman becomes a mom, or when a man becomes a father. That life changing instant could have been when the woman gave birth to her first child, and several babies later and the actual minute doesn't matter to her. A woman may become a mother through adoption or surrogacy, or when she becomes married to someone with children. Same for men.
So we were laughing, because it certainly seems like time of birth is a detail of your child's life that you wouldn't forget. But would you even know it in the first place unless someone shouted it out or wrote it down for you? Or both? The thing is that Jewish teaching is quite instructive here. During labor, while anticipating the birth, the experience is so deep and intense that we replay it from our own perspective, see it with our own lens. Adoption stories too are the parent's story until the child joins the family. Only, and not until the baby takes that first breath do we record and retell her life story. (Of course adopted children's stories also begin with their first breath.) And as all parents know, from that point on its all about baby and the laughter she creates.
Mothers' Day is approaching and I think about all the laughter and smiles and joy I have been blessed with as a mom from my four children. From the moment I became an s-mom, to the moment I became a bio mom, to this moment of reflection, the laughter is possibly my most special and treasured gift. I laugh at poop on the walls, I laugh when I hear their first real laughter, I laugh when I see them dress up, when I see their mischief. Laughter is a great gift and certainly the sound of godliness.
Tonight at sunset will begin the 32nd night of the Omer. That is 4 weeks and 4 days of the Omer. Shabbat Shalom.
Practice: Let yourself laugh. Find a way to provoke laughter with memories, childlike silliness or inspiration from the world of comedy.
On the horizon: Saturday night and Sunday is Lag B'Omer, a special day celebrated in Israel with bonfires. Look for community celebrations in your area!
The Jewish calendar changes days at nightfall. That's why Shabbat and holidays begin one evening and continue through to the next: “there was evening then where was morning, Day One”. It's right there in Genesis with the creation of the world, there's no playing with it. A questionable birth day may occur when a baby is born right around sunset, so the minute of the hour is an important determining detail. And then we must clarity how to define the moment of birth. In the hospital they probably check the clock once the doctor/nurse/midwife is holding the baby in her arms, maybe after making sure the little one doesn't need any emergency care. That's not the Jewish way.
The classic go-to case for understanding this differentiates when the child becomes its own separate living being apart from the mother's body. With my toddler sticking her head under my shirt to calm herself these days, I wonder if I will ever be able to think of my children separate from my body. Aside from my mommy psychology, there is no question about when they were lifted out of my body. In the case of a c-section, the whole baby comes out at once. In my case, baby followed a minute later by another baby, and a minute later by another baby. If those minutes are split around 12 pm, the children would have different birthdays. If they were split around sunset, they might have different Jewish birth dates. In my case, there was no question, if there was a window in the Operating Room we would see was broad daylight.
Lehavdil, to make a separation in topics, the Jewish moment of birth is actually determined by a scenario where the woman's life is at imminent risk. To live we try to ignore the fragility of life, yet we all know the truth that life is fragile and that babies are not independent human beings in the womb. And more, survival is never certain. Judaism teaches us best how to save lives and protect life. The highest mitzvah is to save a life, and to do so we must be able to define life (and death too). We need guidance on how to decide who takes precedence in this horrific life and death situation. In ancient times our sages saw much more of this; thankfully we can now reasonably expect to live through childbirth and go home with our babies. According to Jewish belief, until the child is born, if only one could survive, the woman's life is the one. I know this is so hard to ponder, and nothing you want to ever consider. Some of you know this all too well, having experienced miscarriages, stillbirths, and near-fatal child birth. I hold you in my heart and pray for continued comfort for your unthinkable losses.
The moment of birth according to Jewish law is when the head comes out, when the baby is mostly and nearly out of the womb, ready to take her first breath. This can be minutes or more before it gets written for the birth certificate. The moment of birth is different from when the moment a woman becomes a mom, or when a man becomes a father. That life changing instant could have been when the woman gave birth to her first child, and several babies later and the actual minute doesn't matter to her. A woman may become a mother through adoption or surrogacy, or when she becomes married to someone with children. Same for men.
So we were laughing, because it certainly seems like time of birth is a detail of your child's life that you wouldn't forget. But would you even know it in the first place unless someone shouted it out or wrote it down for you? Or both? The thing is that Jewish teaching is quite instructive here. During labor, while anticipating the birth, the experience is so deep and intense that we replay it from our own perspective, see it with our own lens. Adoption stories too are the parent's story until the child joins the family. Only, and not until the baby takes that first breath do we record and retell her life story. (Of course adopted children's stories also begin with their first breath.) And as all parents know, from that point on its all about baby and the laughter she creates.
Mothers' Day is approaching and I think about all the laughter and smiles and joy I have been blessed with as a mom from my four children. From the moment I became an s-mom, to the moment I became a bio mom, to this moment of reflection, the laughter is possibly my most special and treasured gift. I laugh at poop on the walls, I laugh when I hear their first real laughter, I laugh when I see them dress up, when I see their mischief. Laughter is a great gift and certainly the sound of godliness.
Tonight at sunset will begin the 32nd night of the Omer. That is 4 weeks and 4 days of the Omer. Shabbat Shalom.
Practice: Let yourself laugh. Find a way to provoke laughter with memories, childlike silliness or inspiration from the world of comedy.
On the horizon: Saturday night and Sunday is Lag B'Omer, a special day celebrated in Israel with bonfires. Look for community celebrations in your area!
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