35 - Big Birthday

Feel like a birthday girl today wearing my mothers' day gift to myself from last year, because it just arrived today. Took me a while to go ahead and order it, part procrastination part indecision. My OOCC practice helped me become ready to order my cute mommy jewelry. As the transition from full time parenting to full time professional work procedes with the weeks of the omer I can wear their names around my neck rather than their bodies wrapped around mine.

35 is a big birthday, this omer day gives me occasion to catch up on the theme for an omer essay day incomplete -28. 28 is my birthday number, the day of the month on which I was born. A good number, and the age that I pretend I'll keep repeating. I've always felt that numbers have personalities and colors that go with them. Two and eight together have such a nice feel, adding up to ten feels quite whole. And the corresponding color is bright, with a sunshine yellow quality.

Grown ups only call ourselves birthday boy or girl when we're not feeling old. When the days of annual parties are over, birthday celebrations – and sentiments – change. For my last birthday I used the excuse to treat my friends to manis and pedis, preceded by sushi. My excitement went into gifts of amazing chocolate bars I gave them as goody bags. My present was getting to spend the night with them, introducing special people to one another, and enjoying quiet, quality time. That winter night I counted; the six women present produced nineteen children total. Not accustomed to quiet time, we all reveled in the massaging chairs, and the pampering too.

Now I am planning another birthday party, one with bubbles and balls and bagels and lots of noise. In June my little ladies will turn two. Still they don't even understand the meaning of birthday and they're too young to get all excited with anticipation. We get to celebrate them and their life and recall when they were born and all the excitement and cuteness they bring. Last year at their first birthday party I had big fun celebrating a year of survival. I anticipate this year feeling a similar sense of accomplishment. As their second birthday approaches, the girls know how to have fun. They smile so much and giggle with delight. They dance and scream and hold hands and give hugs. My dad is working on teaching them to say “one, two”.

For everyone 49 and under, there's a day of the Omer that corresponds with our age. I wonder what the spiritual message is in that. Perhaps the counting takes us through the first forty-nine of our lives and indicates that fifty is a year of revelation. After fifty the challenge is just remembering the early years. Ironially it seems that long term memory improves with age, when we see the timeline of our life and appreciate each day, each birth, each birthday even more.

Received some tragic news yesterday and I can't help but think of those who died young and never made it to that year. When their birth dates arrive how can we celebrate for them? In their honor? My FP sisters (maybe I'll explain later) write email birthday blessings that say “I'm so glad you were born.” That's what I wanted to say to my friends on my birthday and theirs, maybe that's what we say when remembering too. Maybe the count to 49 points us to value these early (and mid) years. I look at my children and in each moment feel joy in their lives; everyone should have someone in their life or memory who loves us in that parent-child way. Knowing that we are loved as gifts of joy counts for so much.

Today we count 35 days of the omer, which is 5 weeks of the Omer.


Practice: What does your 35th birthday mean to you? Consider life before 35 and life after. How do you celebrate your life?