36 - Types of Tired

I kind of became a fan of rock star Bret Michaels from his personality on Celebrity Apprentice, not from his music, couldn't name a Poison song nor identify his sound. I was so sad to hear about his sudden major brain hemorrhage and would feel a loss if he doesn't survive. Just today the a press conference on his condition says that miraculously he is walking and talking again, and expected to fully recover. I hope that he continues bringing his positive message to the world. Really seems like such a good person, and a loving father. Maybe he wins Celebrity Apprentice? And maybe I'd like his music too.

Bret comes across as a good guy and a fun guy, who just wants to help. In one particular challenge he gave great unheeded advice to an upcoming country star. Michaels' admonished the guy not to talk about how tired he is, and that's exactly what this dope did in his televised interview with People magazine. The reporter later commented to the execs that he seemed tired, and Bret's words rang true: no one wants to hear how tired you are. That's part of the job, being on the road, up late, working hard, and it is not the message you should choose to send out to the world. Stick with: I love the music, I'm so happy to be doing this, the fans are great, this performance/album/concert/interview is the best thing in the world and I'm just honored and blessed to be here.

The message is clear: assume that tiredness is a fact of life and choose your message carefully. When someone asks “how are you?” you can start with the first thing that comes to mind (“tired”) or the first thing you want them to know. There is a distinction and we get to make that choice.

Judaism is full of choices; we get to choose from seven levels of tzedakah, seven different types of charitable giving. Maimonides (widely known as Rambam) lists them from the least to most honorable, starting with #1 giving begrudgingly. Read up more on this and you'll notice the seven options do not include refraining from giving tzedakah altogether. There is no choice to refuse giving some of our money to others who need it more. Tzedakah is something we do, maybe (but hopefully not) begrudgingly, ideally honorably, often, and with altruistic desire to help.

Tiredness too is not a choice, it is part and parcel of life. We expend energy and become worn down, we take in energy and perk up again. The efficiency of the cycle depends on quantity and quality of this energy exchange. Pour in nutritious food into a healthy body, use the energy for a run by the lake, business meeting and grocery shopping. Drain every ounce of energy while a loved one is sick, there's no magic food or amount of sleep to feel replenished. Along Rambam's lines of seven different variations, I'm conceptualizing seven types of tired.

Everyone is somewhere on the scale of seven types of tired, as everyone is expected to be somewhere on the ladder of tzedakah. In each case, let us learn from glam rock star and amazing survivor Bret Michaels, no one wants to hear about it. “I'm just so tired” comes off as “I wish I weren't here talking to you, I'm not listening so you're just wasting your time.” Like teacher said, “if you have nothing good to say, don't say it.” While going through my father's important papers I found a yellow legal envelope with important looking notes all over it. In large letters it read “KYMS”. When asked my dad told me that he always jots down these letters on the top of a page for important meetings. It's his reminder to keep his cool and stay on message: “KYMS”= “Keep Your Mouth Shut!” Just in case you don't know me well, know that I'm big on talking and processing and that this lesson is not meant to be insensitive, just instructive about choosing our words and our messages.

To understand the types of tired, know that the ecology of energy exchange requires intake and output. Energy operates on four levels: body (physical), brain (mental), emotional, and spiritual. As the levels of output increase we become drained and cannot refuel fast enough.

The Seven Types of Tired, by Heather Altman (Rabbi, RYT, Morah Derekh, certified in Surgical Preparation, mother of 4 including toddler triplets) progresses from Plain Tired To Total Exhaustion:
1.Plain tired – you maybe should have slept an hour longer, you didn't get a long lunch at work, you're eating sugar. You can still function pretty well, make clear choices, take care of yourself and others.
2.Good tired – you stayed up all night dancing or making love, you had a long, strong workout or physical challenge (gardening, extreme adventure). Your body is exhausted but you are invigorated, the adrenaline and cortisol make up for physical fatigue. (Body)
3.Brain tired – you've been working or studying long hours, engaged in intellectual thought, running numbers, thinking through complex equations or processes (Brain/Mental). You are burnt out mentally but your body is as strong as ever.
4.Body drained – you have had days of ongoing physical labor, long hours, maybe double shifts. You do school by day/work by night or work by day/school at night/family all the time. Or you are running around all day after young children, or up at night caring for them. You are at the limits of your endurance and also grappling with grasping all that you need to do and how to organize it in your mind. You need a break, and hopefully can at least get a Shabbat nap. (Body + Brain)
5.Emotionally drained – your heart is strained. You are in a major transition, dealing with personal issues. Emotional drain comes from both bad and good situations. Moving into a bigger home is good, but the change is emotionally draining. Same with planning a wedding or other celebration. Emotional drain inevitably takes its toll on brain functioning. This too shall pass. (Mind/Brain + Emotion)
6.Insomniac – you can't sleep because your body is chemically prepared for flight or fight, mind is running non-stop, heart is heavy with worry about money or job security or relationship issues. You really need resources for help. (Body + Brain + Emotional)
7.Total exhaustion – Everything else and your spiritual reserves are low, trust is broken, faith is tested. You have sick child in the hospital, so you get no sleep plus mental exhaustion and spiritual depletion. You experienced a personal or global trauma and it knocked you out on all levels. Your body chemistry needs a re-set and the exhaustion splits off your soul connection. Be very careful, seek and accept offers of assistance, be gentle with yourself and patient with your soul. (Body + Brain +Emotions + Soul)


On Celebrity Apprentice, Bret Michaels is trying to avoid The Donald's “you're fired” and his winning advice thus far is never say “I'm tired”. With his Type-1 diabetes, recent emergency appendectomy and subsequent massive brain bleed, his body was almost at its end, so today's news about his status is a miracle. I am certain that his way of meeting the world with positivity contributed greatly to his survival. I have a feeling he will have something to say about his soul's desire to live and his approach to greeting and meeting life. Inspired by an 80s rock star, I hold out hope for refu'ah shleima, a complete healing of soul and of body, for Bret Michaels and for you and your type of tired.

Today is the 36th day of the omer, 5 weeks and 1 day.

practice:
What level of tired are you today? what can you do to restore the ecology of your energy exchange? back to basics - focus on your breath, your relaxation response, nurturing your relationships, support system and soul connections.