There's a direct connection between counting, taking account, then recounting the story. The Hebrew words for counting and story are the same; save some vowels the three letter root (SPR) is identical. L'saper is “to count”; l'seepoor is “to tell a story”. That's what this whole OOCC thing has been about, counting the days of the omer, taking account of daily developments and illustrating conclusions and connections with stories.
Another level of word play connects counting with God. Sefira, the word for counting, is also the word used in Kabbalah for divine personality attributes. Both above, in the Divine realm, and below, in the earthly human realm, these emanations enumerate ten. Layered over an image of the body, the sefirot illustrate connections between the physical and the spiritual. Multiple pathways lead between all combinations of the sefirot (plural for sefira) and the entire Alef-Bet labels the paths. In the visual image of the system, one can imagine movement on the paths - the letters forming words forming phrases that unfold into written stories, spoken too.
While I have been paying attention and hoping for some end of counting revelation, the truth is that each day of counting brings its own merit. Finding words to match feelings, stories to illustrate belief, and the ability to hit “publish” is demonstration that a light is on inside. Each day a chapter of the omer book, together they may have a unified theme or may be a collection. We're not quite at the end yet, conclusions are premature. A reminder to count each day as a whole, to be present for the glimmers and flashes.
With 2 days left of the omer, I'm taking requests for topics and hope you'll post them as a comment. ....And next week we'll see what comes, and how we'll continue making life count after this project culminates.
Today is the 47th day of the Omer, that is 6 weeks and 5 days of the Omer.
Showing posts with label kabbalah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kabbalah. Show all posts
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
45 - Coming Thru Crisis
I was a late bloomer in many areas- losing teeth, starting menses, losing my virginity- yet I had an early exposure to crisis and the spiritual growth opportunity it brings, for many in a mid-life crisis. I was seventeen when my father suddenly became paralyzed and my family life turned upside-down and inside out, and I was eighteen in therapy when my now exposed family dysfunction and unhealthy ways of self-medicating my wounds brought me to recovery. The old timers called me a babe and were happy to see someone so young already in meetings. For me, the suffering had lasted long enough and my bottom was bottom enough. I got to work on the steps, on myself, and on my relationship with God.
With amazing clarity I remember sitting in Burger King (pre-Starbucks plus a place where I wouldn't see anyone who knew me) with my journal and the Big Book. My task was to reconcile the God of my childhood Hebrew school and synagogue teaching with this strange concept of a Higher Power. I wrote and wrote and wrote and thus began to figure out what I believed, how God moved in my life and how the God of my understanding is also the God of Israel and also quite a different person than the judgmental white bearded male omniscient being associate with Judaism of my childhood. Fortunate for me I simultaneously found my way into college class with a rabbinic expert on the mystical and theological. All at the same time, I found a home in 12 Step and a rich treasure of wisdom in Jewish teaching with my college mentor, Dr./Rabbi/Professor David Blumenthal.
My theological influences were radically non-traditional. After one of my first meetings, a southern baptist woman gracefully offered a few words of God instruction to my tear covered face. While standing with one foot in the car, unsure about the whole Higher Power thing, Joni taught me that God is always there riding in the passenger seat. Still, when I'm wondering where God is in my life, I step into the car and look to my side and ask God to go for a ride. Beyond my advanced beginning into Jewish studies with a Talmud class, I continued with Zohar and Advanced Zohar. Not on the usual course guide, these classes were rare gems in their existence and authenticity, shining with the deep ernest and caring brilliance of my teacher. This primary text of Jewish mystiscm, a mystery to most, was my foundational theological source. Flow of blessing, dynamic movement from polarities to balance, intentional union, the belief that we can change God with our intent and actions – these formed my soul development.
Daily work, daily meetings, step work, journal work, teshuvah and more teshuvah, establishing sacred boundaries. For years and decades now these tools shaped me and helped me survive though it has not been linear. Developing strength prepared me to face more demons, learning to trust I had major disappointments, new challenges leveled me.
Two years ago today I was counting the omer and completed my 32nd week of triplet pregnancy, of which 6 weeks and 5 days had been omer days. My Pregnancy Journal notes I “didn't sleep much last night, watched movie 27 Dresses on pay per view at 3:30 am.” All nights were on the sofa since on the bed I'd get stuck like a turtle on her back (even if I was on my side, with pillows propped everywhere). The ob/gyn estimated Baby A to weigh 4 lbs 5 ounces, Baby B at 2 lbs 8 ounces and C at 3 lbs 5 ounces. (At birth they were only 3 lb 14 oz, 3 lb and 3 lb .5 oz.) My bp was 115/75, I weighed 225 pounds and I had contractions in the taxi. A synagogue friend came over to feed me lunch; a rotating cast of righteous people visited me on bed [sic. sofa] rest daily. I was heavy, getting around my condo in a wheel chair, focused on my goal of counting through the omer, and not feeling particularly spiritual. Survival for my babies and me was the daily challenge, far from soulfully secure or even certain that God was in the picture at all. The tiny ones would arrive via 'emergency' c-section ten days later and it would be some time before I'd ever have a moment to ponder God's presence. Even now, after nearly two years of living with these miracles, sweet souls most certainly guarded by a Higher Power, I wouldn't claim to have a repaired relationship or neat theological statement.
Yes, as commented last night, crisis compels a response. Sometimes people respond with spiritual seeking and openness and deepening, and some swirl deeper into distress. At whatever age one first starts seeking, it is life changing. The flow of blessing as light pierces the darkness and a thin ray of light appears. In each cycle of returning towards oneness, our prayers and open hearts affect union and balance above, which then flows below.
Feeling the absence of God's presence doesn't mean that God isn't present; God goes underground at times. This I learned from studying the Dark Night of the Soul, especially Spiritual Director and author Gerry May's amazing take on it. Even when I forget what I know to be true because I'm at that 7th Level of Tired or when everything feels unfair or when people die, just because I don't feel that special spiritual bliss doesn't mean that the God of my understanding was just a dream. Physical, emotional, financial stress can all place paralyzing pressure on the spinal cord of the soul. What feels like permanent paralysis is a feeling, a nerve reaction, that on the spiritual level cannot impact the integrity of Godliness. Souls have unique and impenetrable characteristics, the collective Source of souls is likewise eternal.
A spiritual program is a full time job. Lessons abound in the 12 Steps, in traditional and mystical texts and teachings, in breath, in yoga, in spiritual writings, in friendship, in love, in children.
Tonight is the 45th night of the Omer, that is 6 weeks and 3 days of the Omer.
Practice: Put your feet up. Lay on the floor with your feet up the wall. Try placing a folded blanket under your hips so they are raised slightly. This posture involves turning yourself upside-down. Rather than disrupting your life, it is a restorative pose, resting your legs and feet and also allowing your upper body and abdomen to relax into the floor. 5 minutes minimum.
With amazing clarity I remember sitting in Burger King (pre-Starbucks plus a place where I wouldn't see anyone who knew me) with my journal and the Big Book. My task was to reconcile the God of my childhood Hebrew school and synagogue teaching with this strange concept of a Higher Power. I wrote and wrote and wrote and thus began to figure out what I believed, how God moved in my life and how the God of my understanding is also the God of Israel and also quite a different person than the judgmental white bearded male omniscient being associate with Judaism of my childhood. Fortunate for me I simultaneously found my way into college class with a rabbinic expert on the mystical and theological. All at the same time, I found a home in 12 Step and a rich treasure of wisdom in Jewish teaching with my college mentor, Dr./Rabbi/Professor David Blumenthal.
My theological influences were radically non-traditional. After one of my first meetings, a southern baptist woman gracefully offered a few words of God instruction to my tear covered face. While standing with one foot in the car, unsure about the whole Higher Power thing, Joni taught me that God is always there riding in the passenger seat. Still, when I'm wondering where God is in my life, I step into the car and look to my side and ask God to go for a ride. Beyond my advanced beginning into Jewish studies with a Talmud class, I continued with Zohar and Advanced Zohar. Not on the usual course guide, these classes were rare gems in their existence and authenticity, shining with the deep ernest and caring brilliance of my teacher. This primary text of Jewish mystiscm, a mystery to most, was my foundational theological source. Flow of blessing, dynamic movement from polarities to balance, intentional union, the belief that we can change God with our intent and actions – these formed my soul development.
Daily work, daily meetings, step work, journal work, teshuvah and more teshuvah, establishing sacred boundaries. For years and decades now these tools shaped me and helped me survive though it has not been linear. Developing strength prepared me to face more demons, learning to trust I had major disappointments, new challenges leveled me.
Two years ago today I was counting the omer and completed my 32nd week of triplet pregnancy, of which 6 weeks and 5 days had been omer days. My Pregnancy Journal notes I “didn't sleep much last night, watched movie 27 Dresses on pay per view at 3:30 am.” All nights were on the sofa since on the bed I'd get stuck like a turtle on her back (even if I was on my side, with pillows propped everywhere). The ob/gyn estimated Baby A to weigh 4 lbs 5 ounces, Baby B at 2 lbs 8 ounces and C at 3 lbs 5 ounces. (At birth they were only 3 lb 14 oz, 3 lb and 3 lb .5 oz.) My bp was 115/75, I weighed 225 pounds and I had contractions in the taxi. A synagogue friend came over to feed me lunch; a rotating cast of righteous people visited me on bed [sic. sofa] rest daily. I was heavy, getting around my condo in a wheel chair, focused on my goal of counting through the omer, and not feeling particularly spiritual. Survival for my babies and me was the daily challenge, far from soulfully secure or even certain that God was in the picture at all. The tiny ones would arrive via 'emergency' c-section ten days later and it would be some time before I'd ever have a moment to ponder God's presence. Even now, after nearly two years of living with these miracles, sweet souls most certainly guarded by a Higher Power, I wouldn't claim to have a repaired relationship or neat theological statement.
Yes, as commented last night, crisis compels a response. Sometimes people respond with spiritual seeking and openness and deepening, and some swirl deeper into distress. At whatever age one first starts seeking, it is life changing. The flow of blessing as light pierces the darkness and a thin ray of light appears. In each cycle of returning towards oneness, our prayers and open hearts affect union and balance above, which then flows below.
Feeling the absence of God's presence doesn't mean that God isn't present; God goes underground at times. This I learned from studying the Dark Night of the Soul, especially Spiritual Director and author Gerry May's amazing take on it. Even when I forget what I know to be true because I'm at that 7th Level of Tired or when everything feels unfair or when people die, just because I don't feel that special spiritual bliss doesn't mean that the God of my understanding was just a dream. Physical, emotional, financial stress can all place paralyzing pressure on the spinal cord of the soul. What feels like permanent paralysis is a feeling, a nerve reaction, that on the spiritual level cannot impact the integrity of Godliness. Souls have unique and impenetrable characteristics, the collective Source of souls is likewise eternal.
A spiritual program is a full time job. Lessons abound in the 12 Steps, in traditional and mystical texts and teachings, in breath, in yoga, in spiritual writings, in friendship, in love, in children.
Tonight is the 45th night of the Omer, that is 6 weeks and 3 days of the Omer.
Practice: Put your feet up. Lay on the floor with your feet up the wall. Try placing a folded blanket under your hips so they are raised slightly. This posture involves turning yourself upside-down. Rather than disrupting your life, it is a restorative pose, resting your legs and feet and also allowing your upper body and abdomen to relax into the floor. 5 minutes minimum.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
16 - Lessons on Kabbalah
Thought I'd arrived in the looney bin the way all five veterinary staff were oohing and ahhing and baby-talking to my dog as we stepped through the threshold of the office. Really, they were going ga-ga about how cute, how sweet, how excited he was, each of them calling him by name. It seemed way over the top and was more gooey affection than I think the dog has ever received.
When I walk into the pediatrician's office with my truly gush-worthy adorable triplets the staff barely even says hello. They have never greeted me much less my children with more than a glance. Aware of the numerous issues, I have made every attempt to make nice, introduce myself, ask for their names, call them by name. Once I even brought chocolate for the front staff. Still, no smiles, no love. What's wrong with this picture?
The beauty of this omer counting practice is that I can't do it prematurely. The mitzvah requires counting after nightfall which cultivates a certain waiting and listening for the message to become clear. Just like the practice of Spiritual Direction cultivates discernment. Sure, this morning I was sure that I could write a whole entry about how I no longer think dogs are people, even though they might think themselves human, and that with huge expenses and time demands from four children my dogs have been demoted back to canines.
One story I will still share is how I responded aghast to someone who asked while I was pregnant what we would do with the dogs once the triplets arrived. “What will you do with your child when you have another one?” I questioned. Ha! Now it's time for me to admit that I was illusional. Mea culpa. S'licha. During one near breakdown during the first survival year, with great awareness of my limited resources – time, money and sanity, I decided the dogs were done. My first baby and her adopted buddy had become a burden I couldn't bear so my husband claimed sole responsibility for their care. Still here, there's no chance they'll get to go to day care as my vet suggested today unless I can easily afford to enroll my real human children in classes.
Earlier I honked at a car that was picking up speed driving in the shoulder and possibly pulling out into my lane and her pedestrian friend yelled out a nasty comment to me. Before that I stopped at a green light for an imminently approaching ambulance and the car in the left lane gunned it through the intersection. Things like this make me so mad. Not road rage mad, just frustrated and sad. Why are people so on edge? Or so indifferent?
I trust my childrens' lives to the pediatrician's office and they can't even bring themselves to smile and be friendly. When I call with an issue I have to leave a message and it takes hours to get a call back; the vet office talked to me right then, and called me back exactly when promised with a message from the doc. They scheduled me for the very next morning; getting an urgent appointment at the pediatrician's office takes pressure, sometimes a demand. Several times my attempts failed and I had to go to the ER with a $150 co-pay (per child!) because the pediatric practice schedule was full. Many times I have considered switching offices and probably will do it one day, but I love our doctor. She is the reason we chose this practice and the reason we stay.
The contrast between the Veterinary Office and the Pediatrician's office is stark. Although I try to shy away from politics this is surely about health care policy and our country's priorities. Backed up by the huge rise in pets given up for adoption because their owners can't afford to feed themselves in this economy let alone feed their pets, I know pet ownership is a luxury. And this veterinary office has more art on the walls than my childrens' pediatric office.
Health care for humans is not a luxury, it is a right. And providers should be just as excited and eager to see each patient as these crazy animal people are to see my hyper dog. An enthusiastic reception from my vet people shouldn't be such a surprise. Service like that should be expected and required from all health care providers – especially those who treat humans, who save our lives and support our return to health. Medicine is medical, I get that, yet people are more than bodies. We are souls and need to be treated as such.
In Hebrew the word for reception (such as at a hotel) is kabbalah. Hospitality is implied in every meeting and greeting. Within the word is the action of welcoming the person who approaches with the same mystical and sacred intent as with which we receive revelation, light, and all the greatest gifts. That is how my dog was greeted today and should be how we each greet each other in every instance.
And, for this 16th day, two weeks and 2 days of the omer, I offer a blessing for justice and dignity, for honor and love. For every member of our human family, and also for our animal friends.
Today is the 16th day of the Omer.
Practice: It's a good time to practice breathing. In. Out. Slower inhale, slower exhale. Deeper inhale, deeper exhale. Inhale peace and goodness, exhale and let go, release. Breath life, your soul. Follow the circle of life in and out of your body, with curious attention to your breath. With each breath, relax a different part of your body, beginning with the top of your head, slowly through each area, all the way to your toes. Let balance and love and compassion establish themselves in your present moment.
When I walk into the pediatrician's office with my truly gush-worthy adorable triplets the staff barely even says hello. They have never greeted me much less my children with more than a glance. Aware of the numerous issues, I have made every attempt to make nice, introduce myself, ask for their names, call them by name. Once I even brought chocolate for the front staff. Still, no smiles, no love. What's wrong with this picture?
The beauty of this omer counting practice is that I can't do it prematurely. The mitzvah requires counting after nightfall which cultivates a certain waiting and listening for the message to become clear. Just like the practice of Spiritual Direction cultivates discernment. Sure, this morning I was sure that I could write a whole entry about how I no longer think dogs are people, even though they might think themselves human, and that with huge expenses and time demands from four children my dogs have been demoted back to canines.
One story I will still share is how I responded aghast to someone who asked while I was pregnant what we would do with the dogs once the triplets arrived. “What will you do with your child when you have another one?” I questioned. Ha! Now it's time for me to admit that I was illusional. Mea culpa. S'licha. During one near breakdown during the first survival year, with great awareness of my limited resources – time, money and sanity, I decided the dogs were done. My first baby and her adopted buddy had become a burden I couldn't bear so my husband claimed sole responsibility for their care. Still here, there's no chance they'll get to go to day care as my vet suggested today unless I can easily afford to enroll my real human children in classes.
Earlier I honked at a car that was picking up speed driving in the shoulder and possibly pulling out into my lane and her pedestrian friend yelled out a nasty comment to me. Before that I stopped at a green light for an imminently approaching ambulance and the car in the left lane gunned it through the intersection. Things like this make me so mad. Not road rage mad, just frustrated and sad. Why are people so on edge? Or so indifferent?
I trust my childrens' lives to the pediatrician's office and they can't even bring themselves to smile and be friendly. When I call with an issue I have to leave a message and it takes hours to get a call back; the vet office talked to me right then, and called me back exactly when promised with a message from the doc. They scheduled me for the very next morning; getting an urgent appointment at the pediatrician's office takes pressure, sometimes a demand. Several times my attempts failed and I had to go to the ER with a $150 co-pay (per child!) because the pediatric practice schedule was full. Many times I have considered switching offices and probably will do it one day, but I love our doctor. She is the reason we chose this practice and the reason we stay.
The contrast between the Veterinary Office and the Pediatrician's office is stark. Although I try to shy away from politics this is surely about health care policy and our country's priorities. Backed up by the huge rise in pets given up for adoption because their owners can't afford to feed themselves in this economy let alone feed their pets, I know pet ownership is a luxury. And this veterinary office has more art on the walls than my childrens' pediatric office.
Health care for humans is not a luxury, it is a right. And providers should be just as excited and eager to see each patient as these crazy animal people are to see my hyper dog. An enthusiastic reception from my vet people shouldn't be such a surprise. Service like that should be expected and required from all health care providers – especially those who treat humans, who save our lives and support our return to health. Medicine is medical, I get that, yet people are more than bodies. We are souls and need to be treated as such.
In Hebrew the word for reception (such as at a hotel) is kabbalah. Hospitality is implied in every meeting and greeting. Within the word is the action of welcoming the person who approaches with the same mystical and sacred intent as with which we receive revelation, light, and all the greatest gifts. That is how my dog was greeted today and should be how we each greet each other in every instance.
And, for this 16th day, two weeks and 2 days of the omer, I offer a blessing for justice and dignity, for honor and love. For every member of our human family, and also for our animal friends.
Today is the 16th day of the Omer.
Practice: It's a good time to practice breathing. In. Out. Slower inhale, slower exhale. Deeper inhale, deeper exhale. Inhale peace and goodness, exhale and let go, release. Breath life, your soul. Follow the circle of life in and out of your body, with curious attention to your breath. With each breath, relax a different part of your body, beginning with the top of your head, slowly through each area, all the way to your toes. Let balance and love and compassion establish themselves in your present moment.
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