Let me not count the numerous ways that my life has changed, though allow an attempt to explain the after picture on the energetic level. Aside from the obvious physical challenges and hormonal emotions and mental stress, I’ve discovered another arena of transfiguration from my own yoga rabbi triplet-mom experience. Mostly the triplet parent life altogether was a big quake that took everything apart and left me shaky. I knew from the beginning, by finally being pregnant and all, and with three little dots appearing in my uterus, that my life had become extraordinary. What I could not have verbalized until now, and doubtfully so, is the pervasive alteration of my self from the cellular level on to the energetic system.
For one, my life turned inwards. Slowly at first, then I became overcome with protecting the lives inside me. To be clear I wasn’t obsessive, just responsible, and triplet pregnancies are really so on the verge that they require vigilance. It might seem strange, with twin pregnancies so common and not seeming so foreign, but when you add a third or more fetus, even the miraculous nature of pregnancy and childbirth gets pushed beyond its limit. As my OB repeatedly said, and I repeatedly write, the body was not designed for this. Not yours, not mine, not even Octomom who claims that it was all so easy. The sensations I reported were different than other pregnancies and harder to address over the phone, so the doctor wanted a call and visit anytime anything unusual was occurring. That was actually all of the freakin’ time, and I used my discernment (resistance vs. fear) to figure out what merited a call. I had regular appointments every two weeks anyway, then every week, usually with an ultrasound to peek into that dormitory of a womb that was puffing up like a blowfish up inside me. Inwards I turned, to these souls – to guard them with fierce love-, and it demanded tight boundaries blocking out negativity that could so easily do damage.
The belly, about where the baby borrows space, is the center of self-knowing, of the gut, of intuition. Energetically, according to the chakra system and according to the sefirot, it is the place where all is held in balance, including self-esteem and confidence. Much more should be said about this, which chakras are involved, the kabbalistic parallels too– another time though. I’ve been searching for writing about how that identity center changes during pregnancy and in the absence of another expert I have developed my own theory. This is in progress, and my first attempt at explaining my thoughts about this process.
In pregnancy the identity center gets displaced, replaced in a sense by the fetus that literally takes center stage. The woman’s own energetic self becomes layered with this other being, competing for blood, nutrients, energy and space. These factors are all limited so finding a balance demands a great deal on the whole person; physically, mentally, emotionally, in regards to time, space, thought, movement, energy intake, etc. There is a narrow market for real estate in the body, and the growing baby not only protrudes outward but pushes inward, rearranging the interior arrangement of vital organs, even growing up into the ribs and lungs taking up airspace. Yes, the uterus has amazing capabilities for accommodating its baby, for reckoning nutrients and hydration, but I don’t think it is designed to communicate and makes nice with the bladder, the kidneys, the lungs, the vagina, the stomach nor the intestines nor legs or feet. The rest of the body gets drawn in unwittingly and can be gracious or cranky. With multiple pregnancies, of course the pace is faster and the changes more radical; the demands multiply exponentially and push every boundary to the breaking point. Understanding the physical pressures is the beginning. Then consider the energy centers that provide a woman’s sense of self, knowing truth, holding soul strength. What happens when the center of identity and intuition is pushed aside? Where does it go? How does it mutate and adapt to nurture the child and the mother-baby bond? With complete merging of identify, how does the identity-intuition center of the woman ultimately respond with resilience so she can be herself again? Once the organs and energy centers have been forever changed (and blessed with this relationship), can the self and soul certainty ever return? How long does this rebound take after the womb has been emptied and the baby begins a life outside of the mother’s body?
Today is the 13th day of the Omer.
This is Part One; Part Two should arrive tomorrow.
Please share your responses, thoughts, and your own experiences in the comment section below.
Showing posts with label soul. Show all posts
Showing posts with label soul. Show all posts
Monday, May 2, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Counting to Clarity (for Tues pm April 19)
The counting begins on the second night of Passover, usually at the Seder itself. I won't post on the holiday days or on Shabbat, so for those days I will (do my best to) write in advance.
Counting to Clarity
My mind starts spinning when I think about Passover’s past and all the momentous moments marked in my life by this holiday. When I steady myself I realize I’ve been hit with a ton of awareness. It’s like Passover itself is a psycho-spiritual reality show and I am the contestants and viewers all.
Senior year of High School Passover arrived right after my Dad became paralyzed and we had Seder in the hospital; it was far from the idyllic feast from years past. Here’s where everything exploded. I encountered existential pain and confusion, and said goodbye to the illusion of coming from a “normal” family. On my own as never before while my mom cared for my dad, without advanced coping skills, I found myself lost. Trauma set off a serious need for re-ordering life that would take years to unfold – and some self medicating to deal until I found the help I needed. Freshman year of college I fell deeper into stuffing my feelings with food and then started to see how I had been compulsively overeating to blur my feelings. My first clean days were during Passover. The religious focus on food was a nice excuse for changing habits. Beyond avoiding chametz, I delved into self awareness, seeking, searching, listening, learning, reading, writing, working it out. For me Passover is my birthday, the anniversary of setting out on my soul’s path of healing.
In the metaphor that life is a spiral, I have a seam at Passover. Year to year, as time spirals onward, Passover bleeps loud and a line of serious life changing events forms. The rest of the year between, I submerge back into cloudiness, unaware even that I’m anticipating a certain surge of soul development. Not that I’m completely blurry at all other times, but markedly less aware of the change that is brewing.
The season stirs up the soul cycle. Spring-into-summer sun light shines first gently then bright, as opposed to the cloud cover and short dark days of winter. The spiritual cycle known as the dark night of the soul demonstrates that our soul lives can go underground to an obscure, opaque place where we can’t perceive them; that is the dark night. When dawn comes, our spiritual journey comes into our sight line again. My soul cycle seems to match the Jewish calendar’s Omer counting that begins with Pesach.
Passover is only the beginning, the first steps out of the darkness. The Omer is seven sets of seven days, each one leading toward the ultimate illumination – revelation itself. Just the act of counting each day, remembering to do this practice for seven weeks is a spiritual practice of building awareness. As we count, the days lengthen,, the buds turn to flowers, the world becomes green and sunny. We take account of what we see, hear, smell, touch, think, feel, sense. We begin to notice desire and direction. With each counting blessing we acknowledge: today is a day, with its own character, its own significance, its own teachers and lessons, gifts and challenges. Today we are one day closer to strength, freedom and clarity. Today we remember years past when clarity emerged out of the clouds.
This Omer season is devoted to counting towards clarity.
Count with me. Count to clarity.
(for Tuesday night April 19) Tonight is the first night of the Omer.
How to count the Omer
Journal: What does Counting to Clarity mean to you? What first comes to mind when you think about clarity? What is clear/true/essential to you? What is un-clear, cloudy, in formation for you? Is there a particular question for which you seek clarity during this Omer period? An issue? Decision?
Counting to Clarity
My mind starts spinning when I think about Passover’s past and all the momentous moments marked in my life by this holiday. When I steady myself I realize I’ve been hit with a ton of awareness. It’s like Passover itself is a psycho-spiritual reality show and I am the contestants and viewers all.
Senior year of High School Passover arrived right after my Dad became paralyzed and we had Seder in the hospital; it was far from the idyllic feast from years past. Here’s where everything exploded. I encountered existential pain and confusion, and said goodbye to the illusion of coming from a “normal” family. On my own as never before while my mom cared for my dad, without advanced coping skills, I found myself lost. Trauma set off a serious need for re-ordering life that would take years to unfold – and some self medicating to deal until I found the help I needed. Freshman year of college I fell deeper into stuffing my feelings with food and then started to see how I had been compulsively overeating to blur my feelings. My first clean days were during Passover. The religious focus on food was a nice excuse for changing habits. Beyond avoiding chametz, I delved into self awareness, seeking, searching, listening, learning, reading, writing, working it out. For me Passover is my birthday, the anniversary of setting out on my soul’s path of healing.
In the metaphor that life is a spiral, I have a seam at Passover. Year to year, as time spirals onward, Passover bleeps loud and a line of serious life changing events forms. The rest of the year between, I submerge back into cloudiness, unaware even that I’m anticipating a certain surge of soul development. Not that I’m completely blurry at all other times, but markedly less aware of the change that is brewing.
The season stirs up the soul cycle. Spring-into-summer sun light shines first gently then bright, as opposed to the cloud cover and short dark days of winter. The spiritual cycle known as the dark night of the soul demonstrates that our soul lives can go underground to an obscure, opaque place where we can’t perceive them; that is the dark night. When dawn comes, our spiritual journey comes into our sight line again. My soul cycle seems to match the Jewish calendar’s Omer counting that begins with Pesach.
Passover is only the beginning, the first steps out of the darkness. The Omer is seven sets of seven days, each one leading toward the ultimate illumination – revelation itself. Just the act of counting each day, remembering to do this practice for seven weeks is a spiritual practice of building awareness. As we count, the days lengthen,, the buds turn to flowers, the world becomes green and sunny. We take account of what we see, hear, smell, touch, think, feel, sense. We begin to notice desire and direction. With each counting blessing we acknowledge: today is a day, with its own character, its own significance, its own teachers and lessons, gifts and challenges. Today we are one day closer to strength, freedom and clarity. Today we remember years past when clarity emerged out of the clouds.
This Omer season is devoted to counting towards clarity.
Count with me. Count to clarity.
(for Tuesday night April 19) Tonight is the first night of the Omer.
How to count the Omer
Journal: What does Counting to Clarity mean to you? What first comes to mind when you think about clarity? What is clear/true/essential to you? What is un-clear, cloudy, in formation for you? Is there a particular question for which you seek clarity during this Omer period? An issue? Decision?
Monday, May 3, 2010
34 No Knot Days (for Sara)
With a definite bias towards partnering people up in marriage, it is a bit strange that Judaism has black out days for weddings. Yep, we do. Basically the first thirty-three days of the Omer are no knot days, though they're not the only ones throughout the year. Biblically these days were the path from exodus from Egypt to revelation at Mt. Sinai, a trying trek marked by uncertainty and fear. Later history layered on mourning for 24,000 Torah students of Rabbi Akiva and another host of historical trauma. The 33rd day marked a change for the better and became an Israeli bonfire BBQ celebration called Lag B'Omer (the alpha-numerics for 33 is lamed (L=30) gimel(G=3), abbreviated as “Lag”). With exceptions, many Jewish communities permit weddings only on and after Lag B'Omer. A lenient ruling completes the mourning observances after Yom HaShoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day) prior to Lag B'Omer; still, some restrict the entire seven weeks.
The funeral procession always stops for a simcha. We never ignore joyous occasions to sit in our sorrow. When a simcha has been scheduled and a tragedy happens we don't delay the wedding, though we modify the form of celebration. From the start though, wedding planning considers cyclical times of mourning and we prevent schedule conflicts. The joy should be as pure as possible.
Weddings are supposed to be the happiest day of our lives. That's what the bridal business sells us. The emotions are much more complex and logistically it is not a carefree day. Having officiated at many weddings I know that sadness often makes its appearance at some point on the wedding day. Lots of brides and grooms stand under the chuppah without the parents and grandparents they always imagined would be there. So that sadness doesn't overwhelm, we separate the calendar date away from mourning periods and we create a space outside of the chuppah to remember the love and hopes and dreams of the parents who died before their child's wedding day. Pre-wedding rituals can be designed to draw up the love and soul connection so all the blessings of love and beautiful memories brighten the day.
There's an element of loss in every new beginning so that's not enough excuse to inhibit weddings; more than the mourning, the emotional quality of omer is instability. Wandering in the wilderness, looking backwards at the familiar landscape of suffering, dealing with major trust issues – these are not appropriate activities for entering a covenant. The midrash tells that God had to hold the mountain over our ancestors' heads until they agreed to accept the Torah. Until they got to Sinai they were not ready to create that covenant with God. Couples create a loving covenant of marriage under the chuppah, and the choice to enter must be clear. This is a moment of arrival, of acceptance and of faith which can only occur after revelation. The bright light of blessing illuminates clarity, certainty and commitment – necessary companions to love.
The Baal Shem Tov said:From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being.
The seven weeks of the omer are a spiritual practice of preparation, a powerful tool towards transformation. At the end, each individual alone stands at Sinai to be initiated into the community of Israel, to be blessed by the stream of divine light. Open to receiving instruction and direction and illumination from the Source of all blessing, we pray that our choices create closeness in relationship with our beloved, with our families, with our friends. Seven cycles of seven, the fullness of full, wholeness of the whole, light joining light. Be'sha'ah tova, this is the hour of goodness!
Today is the 34th day of the Omer, that is 4 weeks and 6 days. Let the wedding season begin - mazal tov!
The funeral procession always stops for a simcha. We never ignore joyous occasions to sit in our sorrow. When a simcha has been scheduled and a tragedy happens we don't delay the wedding, though we modify the form of celebration. From the start though, wedding planning considers cyclical times of mourning and we prevent schedule conflicts. The joy should be as pure as possible.
Weddings are supposed to be the happiest day of our lives. That's what the bridal business sells us. The emotions are much more complex and logistically it is not a carefree day. Having officiated at many weddings I know that sadness often makes its appearance at some point on the wedding day. Lots of brides and grooms stand under the chuppah without the parents and grandparents they always imagined would be there. So that sadness doesn't overwhelm, we separate the calendar date away from mourning periods and we create a space outside of the chuppah to remember the love and hopes and dreams of the parents who died before their child's wedding day. Pre-wedding rituals can be designed to draw up the love and soul connection so all the blessings of love and beautiful memories brighten the day.
There's an element of loss in every new beginning so that's not enough excuse to inhibit weddings; more than the mourning, the emotional quality of omer is instability. Wandering in the wilderness, looking backwards at the familiar landscape of suffering, dealing with major trust issues – these are not appropriate activities for entering a covenant. The midrash tells that God had to hold the mountain over our ancestors' heads until they agreed to accept the Torah. Until they got to Sinai they were not ready to create that covenant with God. Couples create a loving covenant of marriage under the chuppah, and the choice to enter must be clear. This is a moment of arrival, of acceptance and of faith which can only occur after revelation. The bright light of blessing illuminates clarity, certainty and commitment – necessary companions to love.
The Baal Shem Tov said:From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being.
The seven weeks of the omer are a spiritual practice of preparation, a powerful tool towards transformation. At the end, each individual alone stands at Sinai to be initiated into the community of Israel, to be blessed by the stream of divine light. Open to receiving instruction and direction and illumination from the Source of all blessing, we pray that our choices create closeness in relationship with our beloved, with our families, with our friends. Seven cycles of seven, the fullness of full, wholeness of the whole, light joining light. Be'sha'ah tova, this is the hour of goodness!
Today is the 34th day of the Omer, that is 4 weeks and 6 days. Let the wedding season begin - mazal tov!
Monday, April 19, 2010
21 - Celebrate Freedom!!!
With irony in honor of the Day of Independence I imprisoned my free-bird toddlers with 4 protective bed time precautions – backwards diapers, duct tape covering the backwards diaper tabs, backwards onesies and backwards pajamas. Yes, they are asserting their independence by stripping and streaking with bravado and Houdini-like talent. My cousin nicknamed her daughter Pootini during this stage and -oh merde! It really stinks. Less than two years old, each of the three is claiming her body, asserting herself and freely expressing her voice. At the moment, after being in bed for thirty minutes they are chatting in full voice, calling out in their own language. Freedom is fun!
With nightfall begins Israeli Independence Day, a time to celebrate big time. Miracles are possible, hope is alive, dreams aren't always dreamy, to keep them going you need to dig your hands into the dirt. I much prefer to highlight the freedom element of independence, and it fits in this omer period moving into the promised land. A tiny yet robust democracy in the midst of the mostly monarchical mid-East, Israel is a huge symbol of lived possibility and a powerhouse provider of innovation and dignity to the entire world. Forget about the day to day politics and personalities; focus on the mission and vision of the State of Israel.
Lehavdil, a distinction, between a global historical leader and an American tradition, Yom Ha'Atzmaut occurs when the Omer turns 21. Twenty-one is a year to go all out, let go, party without care. Teenagers count the days till that birthday and the symbolic freedom it brings. It marks a the beginning of adult life, exploration and formation of responsibility, career, individual identity. Israel too is but a young-in in the scope of statehood.
Age 21 is when one might start to ask “what am I going to do with my life?” in terms of profession, possibly relationships too. Age 2 is about “how quickly can I take my clothes off and shriek in delight?” Uh oh, well maybe, lehavdil, in a totally different context there's some of that at 21 too. And at age 62, the State of Israel's age, we still ask “what am I going to do with my life – from this point forward?” And at the same time “how can I celebrate my soul-gifts every day with joy?”
Independence provides so many choices that everything is possible, yet its always important to have a container. Wandering through the wilderness our ancestors were miserable, whining, complaining and rebelling. Say what?!? They hurriedly escaped slavery and weren't prepared for a paradigm shift. Years of traveling as a tribe allowed them to develop leadership, build faith and commit to rituals. One of the greatest spiritual teaching tools, Shabbat is about separating a day of rest from the work week with beginning rituals (candle lighting, kiddush, special music and prayers, a special meal) and a closing ritual (havdalah with kiddish, spices and braided candle, more songs). Just one example of Jewish practice that uses boundaries to create sacredness.
Entering a career window as an independent rabbi was a choice to concentrate on bringing my unique vision and talents in creating sanctuary for your soul as a consultancy. I have enjoyed the gift of freedom, choosing my projects, accepting appropriate collaborations, working with self-selected clients. And I maintained certain container connections – my email list, home base town, synagogue, colleagues, source for referrals. Providing my own boundaries, I am able to re-visit my vision, re-define the boundaries, and re-enter a new container when desired.
Pausing to see if our inner aspirations match our outer appearance and environment is a blessing of freedom. Examining the containers of our life with care, curiosity and compassion is crucial to feeling comfortable in our skin and speaking with a clear voice. Openness and the ability to change courses is a blessing of independence too, one that takes awareness and attention. When the omer counting began at the Passover Seder we asked a lot of questions. May the questioning continue as we count our way to revelation.
Today is the 21st day of the Omer, which is 3 weeks of the Omer.
Practice: Hit the pause button. (this teaching given to me by master certified coach Marian Baker). Pause for 10 minutes from your work to do something that feeds your soul. Each week, schedule a one hour pause for yourself too. For today, on this day of the Omer, consider the containers of your life and how well they represent your soul within. During each “pause button” moment, celebrate your independent and free soul!
With nightfall begins Israeli Independence Day, a time to celebrate big time. Miracles are possible, hope is alive, dreams aren't always dreamy, to keep them going you need to dig your hands into the dirt. I much prefer to highlight the freedom element of independence, and it fits in this omer period moving into the promised land. A tiny yet robust democracy in the midst of the mostly monarchical mid-East, Israel is a huge symbol of lived possibility and a powerhouse provider of innovation and dignity to the entire world. Forget about the day to day politics and personalities; focus on the mission and vision of the State of Israel.
Lehavdil, a distinction, between a global historical leader and an American tradition, Yom Ha'Atzmaut occurs when the Omer turns 21. Twenty-one is a year to go all out, let go, party without care. Teenagers count the days till that birthday and the symbolic freedom it brings. It marks a the beginning of adult life, exploration and formation of responsibility, career, individual identity. Israel too is but a young-in in the scope of statehood.
Age 21 is when one might start to ask “what am I going to do with my life?” in terms of profession, possibly relationships too. Age 2 is about “how quickly can I take my clothes off and shriek in delight?” Uh oh, well maybe, lehavdil, in a totally different context there's some of that at 21 too. And at age 62, the State of Israel's age, we still ask “what am I going to do with my life – from this point forward?” And at the same time “how can I celebrate my soul-gifts every day with joy?”
Independence provides so many choices that everything is possible, yet its always important to have a container. Wandering through the wilderness our ancestors were miserable, whining, complaining and rebelling. Say what?!? They hurriedly escaped slavery and weren't prepared for a paradigm shift. Years of traveling as a tribe allowed them to develop leadership, build faith and commit to rituals. One of the greatest spiritual teaching tools, Shabbat is about separating a day of rest from the work week with beginning rituals (candle lighting, kiddush, special music and prayers, a special meal) and a closing ritual (havdalah with kiddish, spices and braided candle, more songs). Just one example of Jewish practice that uses boundaries to create sacredness.
Entering a career window as an independent rabbi was a choice to concentrate on bringing my unique vision and talents in creating sanctuary for your soul as a consultancy. I have enjoyed the gift of freedom, choosing my projects, accepting appropriate collaborations, working with self-selected clients. And I maintained certain container connections – my email list, home base town, synagogue, colleagues, source for referrals. Providing my own boundaries, I am able to re-visit my vision, re-define the boundaries, and re-enter a new container when desired.
Pausing to see if our inner aspirations match our outer appearance and environment is a blessing of freedom. Examining the containers of our life with care, curiosity and compassion is crucial to feeling comfortable in our skin and speaking with a clear voice. Openness and the ability to change courses is a blessing of independence too, one that takes awareness and attention. When the omer counting began at the Passover Seder we asked a lot of questions. May the questioning continue as we count our way to revelation.
Today is the 21st day of the Omer, which is 3 weeks of the Omer.
Practice: Hit the pause button. (this teaching given to me by master certified coach Marian Baker). Pause for 10 minutes from your work to do something that feeds your soul. Each week, schedule a one hour pause for yourself too. For today, on this day of the Omer, consider the containers of your life and how well they represent your soul within. During each “pause button” moment, celebrate your independent and free soul!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
19 - Free Soul
Let me linger with this great combo of community and combo of comfort - extra life with day 18 and extra soul, neshama yeteirah, that arrives for each Shabbat. Would kind of like to stay and extend the 18=chai=life omer day that coincided with Shabbat today. Enjoyed the best of both worlds: Netivot/Pathways davenning my favorite way, then kiddush lunch with the rest of the community, friends, congregants, and my dad.
First, about favorites. While teaching this morning I noticed that I was repeating the phrase “one of my favorite _______”; noticing the words we repeat is an important reflective tool for teachers. As soon as I spotted the pattern I shared with the Netivot/Pathways participants that this is where I bring all of my favorites. Its true. My favorite chants, my favorite meditation techniques, my favorite spiritual teachings. My favorite movements chosen to stretch and stir body, mind and soul, emotions and energy too. Netivot is designed to be an experience of Shabbat in the truest sense, with the inner reflection and all-level presence to the sacred within and within all. My favorite way to spend Shabbat morning, deep in striving with minyan members all completely at choice with being there.
And about community. The impetus to create Netivot/Pathways: A Jewish Center for Growth and Healing (when I first jotted notes in 2000 and when I first offered a synagogue-based center in 2003 and as I continue to offer a non-center based sessions) was always to acknowledge everyone's unique pathway to soul and wisdom. Constantly moving on our own path, the traditional Jewish prayer service is not the place for everyone, at all times, to connect spiritually. The synagogue should still be a place to connect with community. Netivot/Pathways provides an alternative spiritual home base, often within a synagogue community. More than just another service a community can offer, it does the work of building community and catalyzing healing.
A natural center of community, temples and synagogues must serve lots of needs, and my contention is and always has been that the spiritual is primary. So clearly I remember reviewing the Mission Statement of a synagogue where I worked (there have been three so no need to assume it was one or the other) and looking again and again for any of the following: God, soul, spiritual. They were completely missing and sorely absent; it took about a year for me to provoke a re-write. No matter what the other missions are – Israel, social action, education, youth – aligning soul with service and service with soul is the key to effectiveness. Focusing on anything other without being true to soul is a dangerous shortcut. It may be easier, or quicker, or initially seem more accessible, but make no mistake soul must be at the center.
Netivot/Pathways throughout the years has offered multiple pathways for souls seeking wisdom. Already welcomed by synagogues, seminaries, youth groups, day schools, educator's groups, Hillels and Federations, my vision is that the Jewish community recognizes the need and supports my new model. Among the pathways are: Pathways Shabbatot across the country, Detox Rav Yoga, healing services and workshops, bereavement groups, Rav Yoga, Refu'ah Yoga, Jewish Spiritual Direction, Yoga Eema prenatal yoga, family Tefilla Yoga, Finding Your Soul Mate groups, High Holiday Institute, monthly Shabbat Netivot/Pathways, 12 Step Torah, and Tefila Yoga.
Tefila Yoga fuses the wisdoms of Judaism and yoga, breathing and moving prayerfully with yoga postures that match the kavanah (intent) of the siddur service prayers. Lauded by both experienced davveners (Jews fluent in traditional Jewish prayer) and those with less fluency or affinity for traditional prayer techniques, Tefila Yoga is a meeting place for both. When Orthodox and traditional pray-ers attend Tefila Yoga they go back to their minyan routine with added awareness and dimensions of spiritual experience and often a new appreciation for yoga wisdom. When people attracted to the yoga element attend, an accessible and relevant portal to Jewish prayer wisdom becomes part of their experience on the mat and also opens a point of connection for future davenning experiences of whatever type.
Such a blessing for me, and from me, Netivot/Pathways has been running High Holiday services for the past four years and Shabbat sessions for the past four months (in Chicago at Anshe Emet Synagogue). Returning to my roots of personal practice joined by amazing participants is fabulous. Recent years I was practicing baby asanas (i.e.diaper change asana) and embracing that asana while recovering from the effects of the triplet pregnancy. Far from my professional precedent of the early years of my career (ten years ago!), a conscious choice to open myself personally has deepened my work, attracted lovely followers and freed me to follow my soul in service.
Now I am ready to move into a new day. Today is day 19 of the Omer! That is 2 weeks and 5 days of the Omer.
Inspiration for today:
Learn about Sacred Activism (if you only want a short preview ff to 4:54 and watch that last piece)
More about soul and service with my favorite yoga instructor, the world renowned Seane Corn.
Support Netivot/Pathways: A Jewish Center for Growth and Healing – are you being called to support this work? I'm looking for your support in the forms of professional expertise, promotion, seeking great spaces, seeking invitations, seeking funding so we can take it to the next level and beyond. Contact me so we can talk.
First, about favorites. While teaching this morning I noticed that I was repeating the phrase “one of my favorite _______”; noticing the words we repeat is an important reflective tool for teachers. As soon as I spotted the pattern I shared with the Netivot/Pathways participants that this is where I bring all of my favorites. Its true. My favorite chants, my favorite meditation techniques, my favorite spiritual teachings. My favorite movements chosen to stretch and stir body, mind and soul, emotions and energy too. Netivot is designed to be an experience of Shabbat in the truest sense, with the inner reflection and all-level presence to the sacred within and within all. My favorite way to spend Shabbat morning, deep in striving with minyan members all completely at choice with being there.
And about community. The impetus to create Netivot/Pathways: A Jewish Center for Growth and Healing (when I first jotted notes in 2000 and when I first offered a synagogue-based center in 2003 and as I continue to offer a non-center based sessions) was always to acknowledge everyone's unique pathway to soul and wisdom. Constantly moving on our own path, the traditional Jewish prayer service is not the place for everyone, at all times, to connect spiritually. The synagogue should still be a place to connect with community. Netivot/Pathways provides an alternative spiritual home base, often within a synagogue community. More than just another service a community can offer, it does the work of building community and catalyzing healing.
A natural center of community, temples and synagogues must serve lots of needs, and my contention is and always has been that the spiritual is primary. So clearly I remember reviewing the Mission Statement of a synagogue where I worked (there have been three so no need to assume it was one or the other) and looking again and again for any of the following: God, soul, spiritual. They were completely missing and sorely absent; it took about a year for me to provoke a re-write. No matter what the other missions are – Israel, social action, education, youth – aligning soul with service and service with soul is the key to effectiveness. Focusing on anything other without being true to soul is a dangerous shortcut. It may be easier, or quicker, or initially seem more accessible, but make no mistake soul must be at the center.
Netivot/Pathways throughout the years has offered multiple pathways for souls seeking wisdom. Already welcomed by synagogues, seminaries, youth groups, day schools, educator's groups, Hillels and Federations, my vision is that the Jewish community recognizes the need and supports my new model. Among the pathways are: Pathways Shabbatot across the country, Detox Rav Yoga, healing services and workshops, bereavement groups, Rav Yoga, Refu'ah Yoga, Jewish Spiritual Direction, Yoga Eema prenatal yoga, family Tefilla Yoga, Finding Your Soul Mate groups, High Holiday Institute, monthly Shabbat Netivot/Pathways, 12 Step Torah, and Tefila Yoga.
Tefila Yoga fuses the wisdoms of Judaism and yoga, breathing and moving prayerfully with yoga postures that match the kavanah (intent) of the siddur service prayers. Lauded by both experienced davveners (Jews fluent in traditional Jewish prayer) and those with less fluency or affinity for traditional prayer techniques, Tefila Yoga is a meeting place for both. When Orthodox and traditional pray-ers attend Tefila Yoga they go back to their minyan routine with added awareness and dimensions of spiritual experience and often a new appreciation for yoga wisdom. When people attracted to the yoga element attend, an accessible and relevant portal to Jewish prayer wisdom becomes part of their experience on the mat and also opens a point of connection for future davenning experiences of whatever type.
Such a blessing for me, and from me, Netivot/Pathways has been running High Holiday services for the past four years and Shabbat sessions for the past four months (in Chicago at Anshe Emet Synagogue). Returning to my roots of personal practice joined by amazing participants is fabulous. Recent years I was practicing baby asanas (i.e.diaper change asana) and embracing that asana while recovering from the effects of the triplet pregnancy. Far from my professional precedent of the early years of my career (ten years ago!), a conscious choice to open myself personally has deepened my work, attracted lovely followers and freed me to follow my soul in service.
Now I am ready to move into a new day. Today is day 19 of the Omer! That is 2 weeks and 5 days of the Omer.
Inspiration for today:
Learn about Sacred Activism (if you only want a short preview ff to 4:54 and watch that last piece)
More about soul and service with my favorite yoga instructor, the world renowned Seane Corn.
Support Netivot/Pathways: A Jewish Center for Growth and Healing – are you being called to support this work? I'm looking for your support in the forms of professional expertise, promotion, seeking great spaces, seeking invitations, seeking funding so we can take it to the next level and beyond. Contact me so we can talk.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
16 - Lessons on Kabbalah
Thought I'd arrived in the looney bin the way all five veterinary staff were oohing and ahhing and baby-talking to my dog as we stepped through the threshold of the office. Really, they were going ga-ga about how cute, how sweet, how excited he was, each of them calling him by name. It seemed way over the top and was more gooey affection than I think the dog has ever received.
When I walk into the pediatrician's office with my truly gush-worthy adorable triplets the staff barely even says hello. They have never greeted me much less my children with more than a glance. Aware of the numerous issues, I have made every attempt to make nice, introduce myself, ask for their names, call them by name. Once I even brought chocolate for the front staff. Still, no smiles, no love. What's wrong with this picture?
The beauty of this omer counting practice is that I can't do it prematurely. The mitzvah requires counting after nightfall which cultivates a certain waiting and listening for the message to become clear. Just like the practice of Spiritual Direction cultivates discernment. Sure, this morning I was sure that I could write a whole entry about how I no longer think dogs are people, even though they might think themselves human, and that with huge expenses and time demands from four children my dogs have been demoted back to canines.
One story I will still share is how I responded aghast to someone who asked while I was pregnant what we would do with the dogs once the triplets arrived. “What will you do with your child when you have another one?” I questioned. Ha! Now it's time for me to admit that I was illusional. Mea culpa. S'licha. During one near breakdown during the first survival year, with great awareness of my limited resources – time, money and sanity, I decided the dogs were done. My first baby and her adopted buddy had become a burden I couldn't bear so my husband claimed sole responsibility for their care. Still here, there's no chance they'll get to go to day care as my vet suggested today unless I can easily afford to enroll my real human children in classes.
Earlier I honked at a car that was picking up speed driving in the shoulder and possibly pulling out into my lane and her pedestrian friend yelled out a nasty comment to me. Before that I stopped at a green light for an imminently approaching ambulance and the car in the left lane gunned it through the intersection. Things like this make me so mad. Not road rage mad, just frustrated and sad. Why are people so on edge? Or so indifferent?
I trust my childrens' lives to the pediatrician's office and they can't even bring themselves to smile and be friendly. When I call with an issue I have to leave a message and it takes hours to get a call back; the vet office talked to me right then, and called me back exactly when promised with a message from the doc. They scheduled me for the very next morning; getting an urgent appointment at the pediatrician's office takes pressure, sometimes a demand. Several times my attempts failed and I had to go to the ER with a $150 co-pay (per child!) because the pediatric practice schedule was full. Many times I have considered switching offices and probably will do it one day, but I love our doctor. She is the reason we chose this practice and the reason we stay.
The contrast between the Veterinary Office and the Pediatrician's office is stark. Although I try to shy away from politics this is surely about health care policy and our country's priorities. Backed up by the huge rise in pets given up for adoption because their owners can't afford to feed themselves in this economy let alone feed their pets, I know pet ownership is a luxury. And this veterinary office has more art on the walls than my childrens' pediatric office.
Health care for humans is not a luxury, it is a right. And providers should be just as excited and eager to see each patient as these crazy animal people are to see my hyper dog. An enthusiastic reception from my vet people shouldn't be such a surprise. Service like that should be expected and required from all health care providers – especially those who treat humans, who save our lives and support our return to health. Medicine is medical, I get that, yet people are more than bodies. We are souls and need to be treated as such.
In Hebrew the word for reception (such as at a hotel) is kabbalah. Hospitality is implied in every meeting and greeting. Within the word is the action of welcoming the person who approaches with the same mystical and sacred intent as with which we receive revelation, light, and all the greatest gifts. That is how my dog was greeted today and should be how we each greet each other in every instance.
And, for this 16th day, two weeks and 2 days of the omer, I offer a blessing for justice and dignity, for honor and love. For every member of our human family, and also for our animal friends.
Today is the 16th day of the Omer.
Practice: It's a good time to practice breathing. In. Out. Slower inhale, slower exhale. Deeper inhale, deeper exhale. Inhale peace and goodness, exhale and let go, release. Breath life, your soul. Follow the circle of life in and out of your body, with curious attention to your breath. With each breath, relax a different part of your body, beginning with the top of your head, slowly through each area, all the way to your toes. Let balance and love and compassion establish themselves in your present moment.
When I walk into the pediatrician's office with my truly gush-worthy adorable triplets the staff barely even says hello. They have never greeted me much less my children with more than a glance. Aware of the numerous issues, I have made every attempt to make nice, introduce myself, ask for their names, call them by name. Once I even brought chocolate for the front staff. Still, no smiles, no love. What's wrong with this picture?
The beauty of this omer counting practice is that I can't do it prematurely. The mitzvah requires counting after nightfall which cultivates a certain waiting and listening for the message to become clear. Just like the practice of Spiritual Direction cultivates discernment. Sure, this morning I was sure that I could write a whole entry about how I no longer think dogs are people, even though they might think themselves human, and that with huge expenses and time demands from four children my dogs have been demoted back to canines.
One story I will still share is how I responded aghast to someone who asked while I was pregnant what we would do with the dogs once the triplets arrived. “What will you do with your child when you have another one?” I questioned. Ha! Now it's time for me to admit that I was illusional. Mea culpa. S'licha. During one near breakdown during the first survival year, with great awareness of my limited resources – time, money and sanity, I decided the dogs were done. My first baby and her adopted buddy had become a burden I couldn't bear so my husband claimed sole responsibility for their care. Still here, there's no chance they'll get to go to day care as my vet suggested today unless I can easily afford to enroll my real human children in classes.
Earlier I honked at a car that was picking up speed driving in the shoulder and possibly pulling out into my lane and her pedestrian friend yelled out a nasty comment to me. Before that I stopped at a green light for an imminently approaching ambulance and the car in the left lane gunned it through the intersection. Things like this make me so mad. Not road rage mad, just frustrated and sad. Why are people so on edge? Or so indifferent?
I trust my childrens' lives to the pediatrician's office and they can't even bring themselves to smile and be friendly. When I call with an issue I have to leave a message and it takes hours to get a call back; the vet office talked to me right then, and called me back exactly when promised with a message from the doc. They scheduled me for the very next morning; getting an urgent appointment at the pediatrician's office takes pressure, sometimes a demand. Several times my attempts failed and I had to go to the ER with a $150 co-pay (per child!) because the pediatric practice schedule was full. Many times I have considered switching offices and probably will do it one day, but I love our doctor. She is the reason we chose this practice and the reason we stay.
The contrast between the Veterinary Office and the Pediatrician's office is stark. Although I try to shy away from politics this is surely about health care policy and our country's priorities. Backed up by the huge rise in pets given up for adoption because their owners can't afford to feed themselves in this economy let alone feed their pets, I know pet ownership is a luxury. And this veterinary office has more art on the walls than my childrens' pediatric office.
Health care for humans is not a luxury, it is a right. And providers should be just as excited and eager to see each patient as these crazy animal people are to see my hyper dog. An enthusiastic reception from my vet people shouldn't be such a surprise. Service like that should be expected and required from all health care providers – especially those who treat humans, who save our lives and support our return to health. Medicine is medical, I get that, yet people are more than bodies. We are souls and need to be treated as such.
In Hebrew the word for reception (such as at a hotel) is kabbalah. Hospitality is implied in every meeting and greeting. Within the word is the action of welcoming the person who approaches with the same mystical and sacred intent as with which we receive revelation, light, and all the greatest gifts. That is how my dog was greeted today and should be how we each greet each other in every instance.
And, for this 16th day, two weeks and 2 days of the omer, I offer a blessing for justice and dignity, for honor and love. For every member of our human family, and also for our animal friends.
Today is the 16th day of the Omer.
Practice: It's a good time to practice breathing. In. Out. Slower inhale, slower exhale. Deeper inhale, deeper exhale. Inhale peace and goodness, exhale and let go, release. Breath life, your soul. Follow the circle of life in and out of your body, with curious attention to your breath. With each breath, relax a different part of your body, beginning with the top of your head, slowly through each area, all the way to your toes. Let balance and love and compassion establish themselves in your present moment.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
14 - Soul Bundles
Too busy, then too tired, from doing a mom job designing a siddur cover for an upcoming ceremony, writing about the omer was not happening last night.
All day long I had been thinking about the approaching day number fourteen, the day of June in 2008 that I birthed my three now-toddler babies. For sure it has become my favorite number, next to the pervasive and simple power of 3. The gematria geek in me loves that it is divided to make 7, my older daughters birth date (March '02), and multiplied to make 28, the dates of both their Abba's and Eema's birth (in September and November of respectively – of different years). All on cycles of seven, the holy number of completion and Shabbat peace, we are a soul family, drawn together to create a sacred home.
My previously quoted friend Nikki taught me at my pre-wedding women's Shabbat gathering that she knows the primary value that defines her marriage and she keeps it in mind, especially when she looks in her husband's eyes during a tough time. Of all the lessons shared by women that day, hers is the one that I count on the most. I remember the first time my husband and I held each other I felt something mystical in my heart, heart opening, heart connection. It took some attention and observation to discover (and confirm and re-affirm) that the primary value that defines my marriage is generosity. We inspire generosity in one another and challenge each other to expand our hearts, home and pockets in hospitality, sharing and openness. While writing today my musical muse is none other than Naomi Less, who was the spiritual leader of that Shabbat Kallah (Bride's Shabbat). Our theme song “What You Give” just revealed itself while I'm listening to her cd Meshuga'at. “ And I believe, ani maamina, that the life you live is about what you give.” More than anything, this is our family belief.
My oldest daughter, the big sister of triplets, was my first soul daughter and despite having no biological connection to her nor a legal one, I selfishly feel that she was brought into the world for me. Not only for me, but still, for our souls to share life together. When she is not at home with us, a piece is missing. When she is at home, or at least sleeping at home for the night, the peace returns. Last night I was creating a photo collage of her first day of Hebrew school, her Purim costumes throughout the years, Hanukah candlelighting, pre-Holiday photos, and life cycle moments; this will become the siddur cover for her very first siddur. Last Shabbat she read Torah for the first time. Eight years old and she wants to read Torah, reminds me to light Shabbat candles, and is a mitzvah maker.
Like her, I am an oldest daugher-oldest child and am positioned between parents as the first tie that binds. Negotiating the changes my father's illness forces in our family, my perspective on my divorced parents is compassionate to both. All through their divorce and post-divorce life I set a clear zero-tolerance boundary for negative complaints about each other. I'll allow a certain amount of reflection of the past, but no current criticism. Knowing first hand how divorce redefines one's life, I try to be compassionate to my parents without enabling triangulation. They are grown ups with their own adult resources and are doing just fine with it. Now, unexpectedly- we are again in close proximity again, having celebrated Passover all together. As a child, it was surprisingly sweet to have both my parents there, with my mom's new husband, and with all of us children and grandchildren. Worth mentioning is that Passover begins on the 14th of Nissan.
I think the most important thing a parent can model for their children is a loving and respectful regard for the other people the child loves. Including one's self, the other parent or parents, if any, grandparents, siblings. Regardless of how young or old the child is, she is the center of her own world of soul connections. Parenting is not easy, especially challenging when you don't have that soul connection or any positive feelings for the other important people in your child's life.
Imagine the twine that rounds a bundle of grain, a literal Omer. We each bundle together our soul family. My s-daughter bundles me together as her "other mother", in with my husband and also with her mother. She is our only connection to her mother, and holds us together in her top three caretakers, love providers and role models. That alone forces the responsibility upon us to treat one another – with words, actions AND heart- with goodness, respect and dare-I-say a beloved regard. Realizing this ideal is the most emotionally challenging task, especially when thinking about the history and even current conflicts. And, even when the other is mean, spiteful, abusive, hateful to us, we are responsible for fostering only love between our child and that person. I can hold this expectation for my parents because I hold it for myself, and I hold God accountable in the same manner. More than simply giving money for tzedakah from the physical realm, we reach deep into our mental depths and through our spiritual seeking to consciously carefully give generously from our hearts.
Today is the 14th day of the Omer, which is 2 weeks of the Omer.
From What You Give (Naomi Less on Meshuga'at) – www.naomiless.com:
My mind will know your troubles, but I don't comprehend
how your pain will never turn you bitter in the end.
You never show the truth behind your unassuming smile,
so rest a minute listen to my words
You bring me joy, sasson v'simcha,
you bring great love, ahava rabba,
And I believe, ani maamina,
that the life you live is about what you give.”
more reflections:
Safety first, always sharing love, then what else? I asked my facebook friends “what is the most important thing a parent should model for their children?” Answers include: shoes, patience, and shalom bayit. What would you add? What can you do today to free yourself up to be the best you can be?
Stress makes it hard to be our best. You may need to start with some alone time, self-nurturing, a treat. I would start with dark chocolate, a long hot shower and my 10 step miessence (www.ravyogaorganics.com) facial at home. Before putting yourself through a rigorous inventory, take care of yourself and then consider your primary values. Please share!
All day long I had been thinking about the approaching day number fourteen, the day of June in 2008 that I birthed my three now-toddler babies. For sure it has become my favorite number, next to the pervasive and simple power of 3. The gematria geek in me loves that it is divided to make 7, my older daughters birth date (March '02), and multiplied to make 28, the dates of both their Abba's and Eema's birth (in September and November of respectively – of different years). All on cycles of seven, the holy number of completion and Shabbat peace, we are a soul family, drawn together to create a sacred home.
My previously quoted friend Nikki taught me at my pre-wedding women's Shabbat gathering that she knows the primary value that defines her marriage and she keeps it in mind, especially when she looks in her husband's eyes during a tough time. Of all the lessons shared by women that day, hers is the one that I count on the most. I remember the first time my husband and I held each other I felt something mystical in my heart, heart opening, heart connection. It took some attention and observation to discover (and confirm and re-affirm) that the primary value that defines my marriage is generosity. We inspire generosity in one another and challenge each other to expand our hearts, home and pockets in hospitality, sharing and openness. While writing today my musical muse is none other than Naomi Less, who was the spiritual leader of that Shabbat Kallah (Bride's Shabbat). Our theme song “What You Give” just revealed itself while I'm listening to her cd Meshuga'at. “ And I believe, ani maamina, that the life you live is about what you give.” More than anything, this is our family belief.
My oldest daughter, the big sister of triplets, was my first soul daughter and despite having no biological connection to her nor a legal one, I selfishly feel that she was brought into the world for me. Not only for me, but still, for our souls to share life together. When she is not at home with us, a piece is missing. When she is at home, or at least sleeping at home for the night, the peace returns. Last night I was creating a photo collage of her first day of Hebrew school, her Purim costumes throughout the years, Hanukah candlelighting, pre-Holiday photos, and life cycle moments; this will become the siddur cover for her very first siddur. Last Shabbat she read Torah for the first time. Eight years old and she wants to read Torah, reminds me to light Shabbat candles, and is a mitzvah maker.
Like her, I am an oldest daugher-oldest child and am positioned between parents as the first tie that binds. Negotiating the changes my father's illness forces in our family, my perspective on my divorced parents is compassionate to both. All through their divorce and post-divorce life I set a clear zero-tolerance boundary for negative complaints about each other. I'll allow a certain amount of reflection of the past, but no current criticism. Knowing first hand how divorce redefines one's life, I try to be compassionate to my parents without enabling triangulation. They are grown ups with their own adult resources and are doing just fine with it. Now, unexpectedly- we are again in close proximity again, having celebrated Passover all together. As a child, it was surprisingly sweet to have both my parents there, with my mom's new husband, and with all of us children and grandchildren. Worth mentioning is that Passover begins on the 14th of Nissan.
I think the most important thing a parent can model for their children is a loving and respectful regard for the other people the child loves. Including one's self, the other parent or parents, if any, grandparents, siblings. Regardless of how young or old the child is, she is the center of her own world of soul connections. Parenting is not easy, especially challenging when you don't have that soul connection or any positive feelings for the other important people in your child's life.
Imagine the twine that rounds a bundle of grain, a literal Omer. We each bundle together our soul family. My s-daughter bundles me together as her "other mother", in with my husband and also with her mother. She is our only connection to her mother, and holds us together in her top three caretakers, love providers and role models. That alone forces the responsibility upon us to treat one another – with words, actions AND heart- with goodness, respect and dare-I-say a beloved regard. Realizing this ideal is the most emotionally challenging task, especially when thinking about the history and even current conflicts. And, even when the other is mean, spiteful, abusive, hateful to us, we are responsible for fostering only love between our child and that person. I can hold this expectation for my parents because I hold it for myself, and I hold God accountable in the same manner. More than simply giving money for tzedakah from the physical realm, we reach deep into our mental depths and through our spiritual seeking to consciously carefully give generously from our hearts.
Today is the 14th day of the Omer, which is 2 weeks of the Omer.
From What You Give (Naomi Less on Meshuga'at) – www.naomiless.com:
My mind will know your troubles, but I don't comprehend
how your pain will never turn you bitter in the end.
You never show the truth behind your unassuming smile,
so rest a minute listen to my words
You bring me joy, sasson v'simcha,
you bring great love, ahava rabba,
And I believe, ani maamina,
that the life you live is about what you give.”
more reflections:
Safety first, always sharing love, then what else? I asked my facebook friends “what is the most important thing a parent should model for their children?” Answers include: shoes, patience, and shalom bayit. What would you add? What can you do today to free yourself up to be the best you can be?
Stress makes it hard to be our best. You may need to start with some alone time, self-nurturing, a treat. I would start with dark chocolate, a long hot shower and my 10 step miessence (www.ravyogaorganics.com) facial at home. Before putting yourself through a rigorous inventory, take care of yourself and then consider your primary values. Please share!
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