9 - Juicy Jewcy

*Warning: Do not read this if you are under 18 & if you can't deal with your rabbi discussing sex.*

There was a time when regularly I would smile thinking back on the number of times I had sex the night before, recounting the delicious details in my mind, feeling that relaxed, hormone happy, wobbly legged sensation. I could savor counting the number of orgasms I enjoyed and replay the highlights with satisfaction. Once upon that time friends with benefits meant those friends of mine who got the voyeuristic benefit of listening to the play-by-play whether or not they asked.

Never shy about discussing sex at all or in detail, it is one of my favorite topics. I've thought about writing a book about sexcapades though always decide that other, perhaps more meaningful, less salacious genres deserve my attention first. With all the bizarre rumors that start about rabbis who write about vanilla topics, I can't imagine the assumptions and accusations that would fly around a fictional story about a sexy slutty female clergy type.

Those who know me these days may be surprised by this tidbit or have to dig up ancient pre-parenting history. At a party recently with strangers I got to qualify myself as the girl that people come out to first. In the context of the night it was appropriate plus so refreshing for me to be other-than the mom of triplets or the rabbi (which also feels like history at times). I'm also the one friends can count on to discuss sex. Whether they want to share a fun story or discuss an issue, I'm always happy to oblige. I am safe and can keep secrets. And don't forget that I have solutions and give super support.

I delight in sex stories because beyond the juicy factor I believe physical pleasure to be sacred. I once was scorned in a rabbinical school class when I shared that I experience God during massage. Heretic! They practically stoned me. How inane and counter to Jewish sexual teachings to separate physical comfort and pleasure from the Divine! Massage in a professional setting is therapeutic and healing on all levels. In a sexual relationship coming together is creating wholeness. Wholeness is holiness, union, oneness, echad.

Sex is important to a healthy life. I've noticed that there's a certain window of time that once passed without having sex I become cranky, irritable and unhappy. I won't divulge that window but will admit that it has remained pretty constant throughout stages of my adult life. Like magic, sexual release takes away that ache and resets my sanity. I have questioned the happiness of couples who rarely have sex and now realize that everyone has their own threshold, and that there are relationships and seasons that value other aspects of partnership more than sex. Priorities are real and resources are limited. Having triplets certainly teaches that lesson. Still, coming together in this way is healing, healthy, human.

Recently I learned about a 40-something virgin (not by choice) and I felt sad. Could this person be happy? Feel complete? Why hasn't this person been able to connect with another in an intimate way? Remembering back on the years before I was ready to be initiated into the world of sex, I do understand how family history, abuse and more can prevent us from being ready, blocking desire and freedom from fear. Sex is only one piece of the puzzle albeit a primary piece.

When my children were babies nursing I watched and felt as they rooted for mother's milk, instinctively reaching with their mouths until they latched on. Suckling my breasts until their tummies were full, tiny bodies content drifting off back into a blissful sleep. In the midst of it I listened to the sweet and entertaining noises they produced while feeding and I heard the sounds of true pleasure. Babies immediately know how to find what they need, adjust their bodies, and express their delight. It seems the root of sensual awareness, a natural knowing of goodness, and life force.

If only we could each hold onto that natural knowing and honor our bodies with each movement and desire. If only we could admit that we need love and kisses and hugs and touch throughout each day like children clearly do. If only we could count on safe and intimate sex and electric orgasms to honor our health, further our happiness and hug our hearts.

Today is the 9th day of the Omer.


For your writing or conversation: How comfortable are you discussing sex? Or even reading about this? Why? How regularly do you feel physical comfort? Pleasure? Do you need more? Different? What are the barriers for you? What are your resources for growth and support? How do you honor your primal desires, basic needs, deepest dreams? What delights can you count today?